I vividly remember my first experience being a dick back in 1999...
You see, I’d worked as a waiter at a popular local restaurant for years, and served thousands of tables before, which always followed the same robotic pattern.
[When I first greeted them] “Hi, my name is Jeff and I’ll be your server tonight.”
[When their meals arrived] “Would anyone like grated parmesean cheese?”
[While grating the cheese] “Just tell me when…”
“TELL ME WHEN DAMMIT!”
(Okay that part only happened in my head)
A JERK IS BORN
I had also served many a group of attractive college girls before. But one evening, with a random group of them, it all changed. I decided to go off script and act like an asshole, similar to restaurants like Dick’s Last Resort, and The Magic Time Machine where waiters were expected to be rude to the customers, all in good fun.
They asked to hear about the specials.
“We’re all out of specials,” I told them.
Later, they asked if they could get a refill on salad.
“No.” I said. This time there were several gaping mouths at the table.
“Why not?,” they asked.
“I don’t feel like getting it right now.”
I basically just kept dismissing their requests… but did they ask to see the manager? Nope. Did they act bitchy right back? Nope. They actually played along with it! Not only did they play along with it, they all started coming in regularly to see me, with one of them pursuing me relentlessly.
What. The. Hell?
I parlayed my jerk tactics onto the popular chat site AOL Instant Messenger. Before long I was bantering with pretty girls from California to Pennsylvania. I refined my method for maximum efficiency by utilizing keyword searches for profiles with“Cheerleader”, “Soccer, “Tennis”, “Dance” or anything else that could sniff out the preppy type of girl I was looking for. Since none of the profiles contained images, I would then initiate with the same message each time of “Are you pretty?” If they responded with “Yes,” I would then message back with “Proof?”
Full Disclosure: I had “modeling” listed as a hobby in my profile, which probably didn’t hurt my chances with girls. I never was a model, but I did have a good photo!
After a period of several months I had about a dozen women that I was talking to regularly. Out of several hundred girls that I messaged over a period of several months, only about 20% actually messaged me back. Out of those, some had boyfriends, and some I wasn’t attracted to, leaving about two to three dozen girls that I interacted with to some extent, with me ultimately dating four of them. One was a spunky blond college cheerleader that drove 600 miles from Kansas to spend a few nights with me, and it wasn’t because I was being “nice.”
My online interactions helped me tremendously to get better at talking to and intriguing women. Those invaluable skills transferred seamlessly into my offline interactions.
With my newfound jerkiness, in a two-year period, I had gone from extreme built up anxiety, to getting my heart trampled on by doing the things that I had always seen in movies, to intriguing more beautiful girls than I knew what to do with.
Weird. Wild. Stuff.
Me being a jerk ended my 24 year virgin streak. Me being a jerk garnered me the love and affection of an incredible woman, one that I would end up getting engaged to and spending three incredible years of my life with. Alternating asshole/sweet worked wonders… until I lost that first love of my life after 3 years of her putting up with my shit. The subsequent guilt and despair I felt for the way that I’d treated her was certainly not something I’d ever wish on anyone.
Being an asshole jerk can maintain a woman’s feelings for quite a while- much longer than being a pushover “nice” guy. However, it’s darkness is toxic. If you’re lucky, you’ll part ways from her and never speak to them again. If you’re not so lucky… well just turn on the evening news to see the worst side of humanity with relationships.
So what is a well-meaning man to do with the way he treats women?
Here’s the secret.
They’re not attracted to the fact that he’s a jerk or “bad.” They’re just attracted to how he makes them feel due to his 7 inner strengths, which includes confidence and challenge, which create a whole heckuva lot of emotional pull to a woman’s psyche.
No, it’s not because she thinks she can change him.
No, it’s not because she’s naïve and just needs to date more people.
It’s because of the way he makes her feel deep down inside. Wonder. Excitement. Guidiness. The thrill of the chase.
You don’t need to act like a jerk. Morally, you shouldn’t want to act like a bad boy. I’ve got a better idea: you listen to the wise jolly Buddha and find your own “middle way.”
The above is not being a jerk. The above is not being a nice guy. The above is striking a balance of nature and ethics. It’s being someone worthy of desire, of feeling secure and fulfilled with, of potentially being a life partner.