By JEFF BROWN
One of my biggest disappointments with the Star Wars Prequels, besides Jar Jar Binks, was the incredibly forced and unrealistic interactions of a love struck Anakin “gushing” over Padme throughout Attack of The Clones.
Here’s a scene by scene breakdown of what would have really happened...
ATTACK OF THE "CREEPY" ANAKIN
SCENE # 1
Quotes taken from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121765/
Padme: Ani? My goodness, you've grown.
Anakin: So have you, grown more beautiful... for a senator, I mean.
Padme: Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.
REAL LIFE PADME (subconsciously): This guy want’s me to consider him as a mate…? Okay, let’s see how he does. He’s cute, but so damn young and probably inexperienced– he’s going to have an uphill battle.
SCENE # 2
Padme: Please don't look at me like that.
Anakin: Why not?
Padme: Because it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Anakin: Sorry my lady
REAL LIFE PADME (to herself): What is it with this guy? Can’t he tell I’m not really that into him…? He’s like a lost puppy dog. Ughhh.
SCENE # 3
Padme: You're making fun of me!
Anakin: Oh, no, I'd be too frightened to tease a senator!
This is actually good as playful teasing raises a woman's interest! Hooray Anakin! Moving along...
SCENE # 4
Anakin: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again... I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can't breath. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating... hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me... what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.
Anakin: ... if you are suffering as much as I am, PLEASE, tell me.
REAL LIFE PADME: Yeah, Anakin– you’re a really nice guy and all, but I just don’t think I’ll ever feel the same way about you that you do for me… and you’re so young. It’s just weird. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Can’t we just be friends?
SCENE # 5
Anakin: [telling Padme about the Sand People] I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead... every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women... and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I HATE THEM!
REAL LIFE PADME (to herself): What. The. Ehhhfff.
(pepper sprays Anakin in the face and takes off running. Goes into hiding with Yoda.)
Don't be "Pepper sprayed Anakin!" Learn from me what truly raises a woman's interest. In reality, sharing your feelings for a woman first lowers her interest more often than not!
While the grand gestures sound like a sweet thing to do, deep down they are turnoffs to women that aren’t completely comfortable with you, usually during the first two months, and especially if you haven’t been intimate yet. Again, later on, it’s not as big of a deal. In the beginning though, it makes them feel like they are obligated to reciprocate physically, and that’s not a comfortable feeling for them, which lowers their interest.
Don’t ever tell them how you feel early on. Instead, show them with your actions, by how you treat them with respect, and how you try to make sure they have a great time with you."
HANGING WITH HAN
Now, Han Solo on the other hand knew how to woo women!
Princess Leia Organa: Looks like you've managed to cut off our only escape route.
Han Solo: [sarcastically] Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, your highness.
Princess Leia Organa: This is some rescue! You came in here, but didn't you have a plan for getting out?
Han Solo: [indicating Luke] He's the brains, sweetheart!
Han Solo: Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.
Princess Leia Organa: It's a wonder you're still alive.
[Pushing past Chewbacca]
Princess Leia Organa: Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?
Han Solo: No reward is worth this.
Playful banter. Setting boundaries. Yes!
Princess Leia Organa: It's not over yet.
Han Solo: It is for me, sister. Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money.
Princess Leia Organa: You needn't worry about your reward. If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive.
Princess Leia Organa: Your friend is quite the mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anything. Or anybody.
[she stalks out]
Luke Skywalker: [calling after her] I care.
Luke Skywalker: So, what do you think of her, Han?
Han Solo: I'm tryin' not to, kid.
Luke Skywalker: Good.
Han Solo: [baiting him] Still, she's got a lot of spirit. I don't know, whaddya think? You think a princess and a guy like me...
Luke Skywalker: [quickly] No.
Han Solo: Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help.
Princess Leia: Would you please stop calling me that?
Han Solo: Sure, Leia.
Princess Leia: You make it so difficult sometimes.
Han Solo: I do, I really do. You could be a little nicer, though. Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.
Princess Leia: Occasionally, maybe... when you aren't acting like a scoundrel.
Han Solo: Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.
[Han starts to massage Leia's hand]
Princess Leia: Stop that.
Han Solo: Stop what?
Princess Leia: [timidly] Stop that. My hands are dirty.
Han Solo: My hands are dirty, too. What are you afraid of?
Princess Leia: Afraid?
Han Solo: You're trembling.
Princess Leia: I'm not trembling.
[Han moves in closer]
Han Solo: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
Princess Leia: I happen to like nice men.
Han Solo: I'm nice men.
Princess Leia: No, you're not. You're...
She likes nice men, but she's kissing Han Solo! Sounds like the disconnect to me.
Arguably the best realistic love seen in any movie.
Women LOVE to chase. Deep down, it’s an extremely fulfilling feeling to them. Think deeper to the psychology of "winning" with mating. If you were a crude female biological organism millions of years ago looking for a mate, which would you choose, something that is pursuing you, sometimes relentlessly, or something that wasn't showing any interest? Which one would seem to have more to offer, more value for survival?
If Anakin pursued Padme in real life like he did in the movies, there wouldn't have ever been a Luke Skywalker or Princess Leia.
Han Solo get's women, in the movies and in real life.
UPDATE 1/6/17: Well it wasn't but a little over a week after I first posted this blog, that Carrie Fisher came out with her and Harrison Ford's off screen love affair.
Now the on screen chemistry between the two makes even more sense as to why it was so realistic.
Also, saddened at the loss of Carrie Fisher, as she was a formidable advocate for mental health education.
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