By JEff Brown
Most of us have a tendency to overanalyze situations and come up with outcomes that really don’t matter to the end result.
I often hear, "Why did she ghost me?" or "Why is he sending me mixed signals?"
I'll tell you why...
Bottom Line is, they're not interested in you (anymore)
The Bottom Line factor is used to cut through the infinite bullshit versions of “Why?” to simplify by arriving at the most relevant answer in as few of words possible.
So... why did she look at you that way? Why did she post that one story online? What about when she wore her hair a certain way today?
Bottom Line: It could mean anything!
The only way to know for sure is to ask her out.
In the past nine months I’ve been secretly coaching men and women on reddit.com as /u/CoachToughLove. In that time I’ve replied to thousands of posts, and read thousands more.
It didn’t take long to notice that the same topics where being repeated over and over. So for an entire week I read through 524 posts and bottom-lined all of them into 3 magnificent circle graphs.
Below is a typical weeks breakdown on the sub for men's dating issues.
The most common male issue in dating is how to approach women, with questions such as, "Where can I find women?" "How do I talk to them?" and "How do I flirt?"
When including the topic about crushes and online dating, approaching makes up 41% of typical posts.
The second most common male issue is trying to figure out what the hell went wrong with her interest. Typical questions are, “Why did she ghost me?” “What did it mean when she said…?” and “How do I get her interested in me again?
When including the topics about creepy moves and being friend zoned, depleted interest makes up another 41% of typical posts.
So as men, we have the biggest problem getting women and keeping women.
Just look around and you'll see these issues being played out each and every day on this spinning ball of dirt we call earth.
Let's bottom line our plans of action for each. Start the timer... NOW!
How to approach?
Talk to them like a a human being and then suggest hanging out.
Crush on friend or co-worker?
Stood up, ghosted, or rejected?
Said, did, gave too much too early?
Online dating issues?
Transition to offline as soon as possible.
How to escalate?
Go for the kiss or at least hold hands.
Feel like giving up?
Give up. Or don't. Just pick one.
Yes she's interested?
Suggest hanging out and escalate.
Chasing unavailable girl?
And done! See how easy that was?
So what’s the most common bottom line in dating and love?
They're not interested (anymore).
When they aren’t interested you have two options:
Option 1: You keep pining away wondering about them and exactly what went wrong, how you can win them over or get them back, and all the pain and confusion and wasted time that brings.
Option 2: You cut your losses, move on, learn what works and what doesn't, and don’t make the same mistakes again.
It’s that simple.
But what about the women, don't they have issues too?
Hell yeah they do!
A full 34% wanted to know how they could be more assertive with their feelings for a man. They asked things like, "How can I let him know I like him?" and "What does it mean when he does x?"
It's hard for most women to assert their intentions with men due to cultural norms and a bit of human nature with men being the aggressors.
Furthermore, the first two women's categories of "how to approach?" and "waning interest" mirror the pattern for men.
Women are more likely to be suffering from feelings for a guy that's just not that into them, yet will use them for sex whenever he can't find anything better. Whether that be in a new courtship, or often times after being dumped.
Time to bottom line the women's issues. And... GO!
How to initiate?
Suggest hanging out and display indicators of interest.
Scared of being scared?
Quit being scared.
Can't keep a guy?
You're either dating too good looking of guys, or your personality is shit.
Longing for guy/ex?
Guy not attracted to you?
Just for shits and giggles, I put in the rest of the topics that came up that week below.
Oh hell, let's bottom line them!
What does it mean when?
Anything, or nothing.
Don't do it.
Long distance relationship?
Don't do it.
What's wrong with me?
Lots, some, not that much, or nothing.
To each there own.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Wanting to rant?
Go for it.
Moment of clarity?
Dealing with break up?
Move on + time.
When the Bottom Line Factor is combined with the Reality Factor, the world becomes a much less confusing place.
After utilizing them for only a short while, you’ll realize that you don’t worry about issues that are out of your control like you have in the past. You’ll feel more grounded and at peace with the aspects you can control. You'll gain the freedom to focus on the things that truly matter, and leave behind the baggage that doesn't.
Questions? Thoughts? Let me hear them in the comments section below!
READING A WOMAN'S INTEREST LEVEL JUST GOT A LOT EASIER
HOW I FIGURED OUT WOMEN - THE REPTILIAN BRAIN
7 INNER TRAITS THAT MAKE ALL WOMEN FEEL CHEMISTRY
Need one on one help for a specific situation? Check out my coaching page for how I can help you!