Joe’s been dreaming about the same girl for the past 2 years. He idolizes her, and often contemplates what it’ll be like when they’re together. When certain songs come on the radio, he thinks of her. When he thinks of her, he...
gets a fulfilling sense of purpose from deep within. It’s a magical feeling, like a higher power has put them on earth to be together. It’s fate.
The more he thinks about her, the more he rejects the idea of dating anyone else, even though several attractive classmates have recently showed interest in him. Joe keeps waiting for the right moment to talk to her, to win her over. If he could just get in with the right group of friends, or get her attention with a flashy new car. Maybe she’ll be the one to ask him out if he’s patient enough. It’s fate.
Jason on the other hand likes the new girl from work, but knows better than to put all of his time and thoughts into one potential partner.
He’s also interested in several girls at school, and another from his apartment complex. Jason looks for opportunities to interact with these girls, and when he does, he makes them laugh with his odd and humorous behavior. Jason has discovered that dating is a numbers game, and with more options, comes more chance for success.
REALITY SPARES NO ONE
One day Joe’s world abruptly comes down as his friend tells him the girl he “loves” just started dating the star football player, or the cute bartender, or the supervisor.
How can this be? How could she start dating someone else when they were supposed to end up together? How’s he been so foolish in thinking she’d wait for him? How could the world be so cruel to let this happen?
Joe becomes deeply depressed and can’t sleep at night. What is he to do now that his dream girl has fallen for someone else? All he wants is her! And now he really can’t have her.
Meanwhile, Jason’s been putting in brief quality interactions with the four girls he’s interested in, with playful teasing, and witty banter, he positions himself as someone of value, and they perceive him as such.
The new girl from work has a long-term boyfriend, and while they’ll likely break up at some point in the future, it’s just not worth waiting around for her.
The girl from the apartment complex is proving to have undesirable traits. She parties every night and seems to always be involved in some sort of unnecessary drama, and just got fired for not showing up to work.
That leaves the two girls at school. Both have good qualities and great personalities, but one just isn’t given off any signs of interest. Jason suggested hanging out with her and she said she was too busy this week, but maybe next. Jason knows that’s a woman’s way of saying she’s not interested.
Jason does however end up dating the fourth girl, and they make a connection talking about their love for English literature, or Game of Thrones, or Pez dispensers...
Jason tells her he wants to take it slow and she appreciates that he’s not just in it to get in her pants.
They go out once a week and Jason shows her an incredible time when they’re together. They go ice skating, to a fall carnival, to ride go-karts of all things!
They become closer, discover deep compatibilities, and after several months they become more serious until she tells him she loves him. Jason loves her too!
LOSERS AND WINNERS
So… why do the “Joes” of the dating world lose and the “Jason’s” win?
When Joe puts his girl up on a pedestal, he positions himself beneath her. He immediately makes himself an underdog, someone that’s a longshot to win her love. She becomes the Mount Everest of dating conquests, and he’ll find a way to summit that mountain.
But he doesn’t. As time goes on, he finds excuses not to talk to her. He’s not ready yet. If he could just have this or that, then he could win her heart. It’s going to take lots of time to climb this mountain since it’s so tall. The pedestal gets bigger. His feelings get stronger. The challenge becomes greater. He becomes more anxious at the thought of interacting with her. He’s built it up to the point now where he’s too afraid of the rejection if by chance she’s not ready to date him. He needs more time… and the cycle continues.
Meanwhile his dream girl is longing for a man to make her feel "in love." She doesn't know it, but it's the thrill of the chase that get's her motor running. She wants to win over a man just as much or more than they do her. She responds to inner and outer strength, to emotional connections from those that she's around.
All the time Joe's been dreaming, he didn't realize he wasn't even in the running for her love. He was just some random guy that blended in with the countless other random guys in the world.
Jason on the other hand is being pulled in four different directions, and therefore has no possible way to be thinking too much about one girl. He sees potential in all of his pursuits, but he also realizes that they’re human just like him, have their own faults, and take dumps on the toilet. They’re making their way through this confusing world just as him, with the vast majority not understanding what makes them feel chemistry and attraction for one man over another.
Jason also understands that there’s no such thing as a singular “soul mate.”
With billions of women in the world, Jason could meet a new girl each day of his life and not ever meet all the women compatible for him.
He’s also had his heart broken multiple times from his “soul mate” and has each time found someone else as compatible or more.
Jason understands the importance of growth, and continually finds ways to make himself a better person, and a better mate. By interacting with more women, he gains more confidence, and in the process becomes much more comfortable talking to them, and romancing them.
We only have a finite amount of time on this earth, so which scenario would you rather be in? Joe dreaming of a romance that will never happen because it’ll never be as good as he imagines, or Jason, who uses his time wisely and keeps his options open?
The truth is Joe and Jason are both loosely based on my experiences with women. Joe was what I used to be like, and Jason is what I became after much pain, confusion, and realization.
If you’re losing with romance right now, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat your mistakes, as long as you learn.
Learn how attraction and chemistry work. Learn why women choose one man over another. Become the man they want you to be, and don’t accept any woman that’s less than what you want!
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