By Jeff Brown
I once had a girl I was pursuing say, “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.”
Fair enough. I took it for face value, just bad timing and "such is life..." kinda thing. But then several days later, I hear my co-workers talk about how she was hanging all over the local university’s star tennis import out at the club.
Wait, what the what...?
Were they sure this was the same girl? How could this be? Did she lie to me!?!
...and then she was dating him, and then she ended up in a long term relationship with him.
So as a logical human being, there’s a tendency for some head scratching in this scenario. She said one thing, but she did another.
No wonder women seem so confusing!
First, you need to always look at a person’s actions over their words. Over the years humans have developed their own special avoidance language known as "double talk." Women use double talk partly because they don’t completely understand what compels them to feel a certain way, but also because they've had to out maneuver men and their fragile egos for thousands of years.
It's as much our fault as men, by the way, as most of us don't act like men with rejection, and either beg, pout, berate, or much worse sexually assault, instead of just saying "Nice to meet you" and moving on to the next chance at romance.
If you’re a man that has dated or been in relationships, you have probably heard at least several of the following double talk phrases (I've heard 7!). All of which mean you’re getting rejected. Since it’s my job to protect your heart and cut through the noise, I’ll translate with a bit of tough love:
APPROACH REJECTION (She’s not attracted to you physically, emotionally, or both)
1. You: "Can I have your phone number?"
Her: “Why don’t you give me your number/email/twitter/snapchat/instagram instead?”
Really means: "What’s the nicest way I can get rid of you while avoiding the awkwardness of rejection?”
Reality check: When they like you, they make things easy for you, which means no problem giving you their number!
2. Her: “Here’s my email address,” or “Here’s my business card,” or “I’ll give it to you later.”
Really means: ^ Same as above ^
3. Her: “Mmm. I don’t think of you that way.”
Really means: "In the physical attraction way."
4. Her: “I’ll think about it.”
Really means: “Never gonna happen.”
FIRST DATE REJECTION (No Interest)
5. Her using the words: "Maybe", or "busy."
6. Her: “It’s just not there.”
Really means: “I have no feelings for you. No chemistry. No attraction.”
7. Her: “I like you, but…”
Really means: "I don’t like you in that way… The attracted way."
8. Her: “Can I bring a friend?”
Really means: "I don’t want to be alone with you and am afraid you’re going to make a move on me.”
9. Her: “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Really means: "I enjoy you for emotional support, but the thought of sex with you is disgusting.”
RELATIONSHIP REJECTION (She’s lost interest)
10. Her: "It's not you, it's me"
Really means: Come on guys, you know this one already! (It's you.)
Reality Check: Women with "issues," that have high interest level, want to be around you! They want to cling to you like white on rice.
11. Her: “I need space.”
Really means: "Please leave me alone so I can not feel guilty and date other guys."
12. Her: “I miss being single.”
Really means: "I’d take being single and lonely over being with you at this point."
13. Her: “I just want to focus on "x” right now.
Really means: "I’d focus on anything other than you right now."
14. Her: “I think we are just at two different stages in our lives.”
Really means: "You’re a boring-ass loser and I want to date other people."
15. Her: “We need to talk.”
Is really just the universal method of saying, “Hey, I don’t like you anymore, and this is the heads up that you’re about to be dumped.”
Girls also sometimes mention other guys to give you the hint that they aren't interested, or are losing interest.
Regardless of the specific form, double speak means low to no interest and usually that they are at the point of no return.
Smokescreens are an even more advanced form of doublespeak where a worldly and convenient excuse is added as to why a woman can’t see you anymore.
16. Her: “My sister is gravely ill and I just don’t have time to be in a relationship right now or to give you the attention you deserve.”
Reality Check: White on rice... White. On. Rice.
17. Her: “My social anxiety is keeping me from having a good attitude around you and from wanting to be with you.”
But the reality is if she had medium to high interest, you would be the one she wants to be social with!
18. Her: “The long distance is just too much for me and I’ll miss you too much.”
But the reality is if she had medium to high interest, she would do whatever it took to be near you. When women are truly interested, regardless of what else is going on in their world, THEY WANT TO BE AROUND YOU!
Interest Level cuts through all for women.
^ Read this again ^
It's why women date jerks. It's why they go from being all over you in the beginning to thinking sex is a chore as the months and years go by. It's how they go from docile, submissive creatures that worship the ground you walk on, to the nagging, obnoxious, moody "ball and chains."
And the saddest part, is it doesn't have to be this way. A woman's romantic interest level reacts to the same traits in men every time!
Back to the confusion. You probably freakin' hate it when people don't tell you the truth right?
Women don’t openly come out and tell you they don’t like you for any or all of the following reasons:
1. They may have low to average self-esteem.
2. They don't like feeling guilty and breaking someone’s heart. Who does?
3. They don't understand why they don't like you when they should due to societal expectations.
4. Finally, most guys will beg, get creepy, or say spiteful things when they get rejected.
This one is near totally on men and our fragile egos and preconceived societal notions on what dating should be like.
The good news is women with high interest don't send mixed signals.
Ready to see how you stack up against other men?
Answer these 15 questions truthfully and I bet I can predict your overall success with women!
READING A WOMAN'S INTEREST LEVEL JUST GOT A LOT EASIER
HOW I FIGURED OUT WOMEN - THE REPTILIAN BRAIN
7 INNER TRAITS THAT MAKE ALL WOMEN FEEL CHEMISTRY
Need one on one help for a specific situation? Check out my coaching page for how I can help you!